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Toxic Positivity

Toxic Positivity

Okay so how can positivity be toxic? I know for me, I started to notice the toxic positivity from the beginning, from the moment I tried to conceive and began to openly share my struggles. I often came across individuals that didn’t quite know what to say. So what ended up coming out..

“Don’t worry, it will happen”

“Don’t Stress”

“You’re Young”

“What is meant to be will happen”

Along with so many more. Toxic positivity is this idea that every situation needs to have a positive and uplifting twist. That times of sadness, grief, hurt, anger, needs to be combated with happiness. While it often comes from a position of love and good intent, it is not often what the person experiencing events, in my case, such as infertility or a miscarriage want to hear.

When I would hear these statements it often:

-made me feel as if I needed to minimize my feelings and that my pain needs to just be brushed over.

-That only positive emotions are allowed to be felt

-shameful

-invalidated

So what can be done instead?

Validate and Show Concern, then follow up with a positive thought. Validation could look like

“I’m sorry, what are you needing in this moment”

“You are Strong”

“I am here”

“I would love to support you in this time/season”

“I am thankful for you sharing such emotion and moment with me”

What are some other ways that toxic positivity has shown up in your journey? In what ways did you hope that the other person responded in your time of venting?

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